A little quote

I was out with a fantastic client yesterday and the subject of my IVF/fertility struggle came up. When discussing how difficult it has been to fail at something for 3 1/2 years, I came up with this little nugget:

I'm not sure if I came up with that quote entirely on my own, or if I heard it on some old re-run of Oprah, but I think it's going to be my mantra this week...

Lucky Lady

I am one lucky lady.

Thanks to all for your kind comments, emails, texts and phone calls of love and support. Writing last Friday's blog post felt really cathartic and freeing for me, and all the hugs and good wishes that came with it felt like an amazing bonus.

xoxo

If You Blog It, It Will Come

Prepare yourselves for a super personal blog post with adorable images to follow...

I have struggled on this blog for the past three years (yes, my blog will be 3 in August!) with how much to share about my personal life. While it's been an amazing refuge in bad times (I've been able to escape from my real life worries and focus on pretty interiors), there's been an issue in my life that I don't discuss that feels like a personal elephant-in-the-room. It's something that I've thought of discussing many many times but haven't. But then I read a beautiful post by the blogger of Peppermint Bliss (read it here, if you haven't already) and I decided I wanted to share my story as well. Because reading her story made me feel less alone.

For longer than I have been writing this blog, I've been trying to have a baby. For 3 1/2 years my husband and I have struggled, failed, cried, had glimmers of hope (we got pregnant through IVF once, which was so incredibly wonderful, but the baby turned out to be very sick and we didn't make it past the 6th month, which was - and still is - devastating,) we failed again... And I've kept poking along, blogging about pretty bedrooms and kitchens. We tried for a year before turning to fertility treatments (we started trying when I was 28 and was reasonably healthy, so we didn't have much concern.)

I am now about the embark on my 11th round of fertility treatments. 11 rounds, oy. And we've tried all the different types, many different drug cocktails. We are currently doing IVF (this upcoming round will be my 4th try with IVF) and I feel like I need to share this on the blog because it's just brutal. And I don't know if I can just blog and say "Oh, look at this awesome chevron pattern" when I'm sick-as-a-dog and feeling down-in-the-dumps. I want to be able to say "Oh, look at this awesome chevron pattern. And I feel like monkey-balls today." So now I can say it. And I feel better already.

I get nervous to post nursery ideas on the blog because I don't want to jinx myself. Maybe I feel pathetic for posting nursery designs when I don't know if I can ever have a baby. I'm not sure why I feel anxious every time I post something baby-related. But I refuse to feel that way anymore. I can't jinx things, so I'm taking a new approach "If I blog it, it will come."

With everything I've been through, I would love a whimsical nursery. Something that doesn't take itself too seriously. Playful. Silly. Fun.

clockwise from top left {pompoms, giant R nursery, yellow rug nursery, oh joy's office}

I know that somehow, we will have a family. And I know that I am blessed with the most amazing, supportive, beautiful, incredible husband. And I know someday I will feel like this...

image from here

But until then, I have to keep fighting the fight. And I'm glad now that I can share it here.

Oh, and one funny IVF story before I'm done with you for today... When you do IVF, you have to have your eggs taken out under anesthesia as part of the process. I'm not a doctor, I'm an interior designer, so if you are really curious the whole process, google it... Anyways, when I came out of anesthesia, I was in a recovery room relaxing and making sure my vitals were ok before I went home to lay in bed the rest of the day. At some point, they wheeled out another lady who had her eggs retrieved. She was just coming out of anesthesia and blabbering on and on about how she was going to fly everyone in the office on her private plane somewhere fabulous. So when the nurse came to check on me, I asked her, "What did I talk about when I came out of anesthesia?" She said "You told me you dreamed about blogging."

New Years Goals

The New Year always feels like a big turning point for me. The whole world celebrates a New Year on January 1st, then on January 4th I celebrate my own personal New Year - my birthday. So I always like to set an intention or a goal for the upcoming year (I feel like the word "resolution" sounds so cliche, but yes, I guess these are my New Years Resolutions.)

#1: Let my hair down more...
I mean this both literally and figuratively.

Literally - I have long wavy brown hair that can go curly or straight. My hair is one of my favorite attributes, but I often end up throwing it up in a wet bun to run off to the design center and look at fabrics. This year I want to take more time to wear my hair down.

Figuratively - I want to relax. Not sweat the small stuff.


#2: Go glam for no good reason.
Working from home I can sometimes skip hair, makeup and cute clothes and go with what's comfy. But when I look good I feel good. Superficial, but true.


#3: Cook more at home. My tummy and credit card will thank me.


And while I'm at it, eat healthier.


#4: Do the dishes more.My husband tends to pick up the slack because I'm a dish-doing slacker, but this year I'd like to lighten his load.


#5: Be at peace.
2010 was a Debbie Downer of a year for me in some major ways. I've realized that throughout life things will come at you that can get you down, so I'm thinking that the more centered and at peace I am, the better I will weather the storm.

Hoping that 2011 will be a good year for us all!


Image #1 - Lucky Mag, Image #2 - Allure Mag, Image #3 - Williams-Sonoma, Image #4- Martha Stewart Living Mag, Image #5 - flickr, Image #6 - flickr

The Cat's Out of the Bag!

Yesterday was my husband's birthday! I had been working on his gift for a while, but couldn't post about it until today, so as not to ruin the surprise. We've been through an insane year, so I really wanted to do something sentimental. I contacted the amazing calligrapher who did our wedding invitations and had her calligraphy the lyrics to some of our favorite songs on beautiful blue paper.

She did SUCH an fantastic job - I cannot wait to get them framed and hung up in our hallway!You can find more information about our calligrapher at Kathryn Murray Calligraphy - her work has even been featured on Design*Sponge - how amazing is that!

Thanks Kathryn - they came out gorgeous - and most importantly, the husband LOVED them.